Ease into doing it.
You may need to go one section at a time.
Another great alternative to the 2 lacrosse balls is the Gemini
http://www.roguefitness.com/mobilitywod-gemini.php
I haven’t seen anything like it. It is much easier to keep perpendicular to your spine than 2 lacrosse balls.
Yes, I understand what you are saying and I think the Gemini will help ease the situation. The shape of it addresses some of the exact things you mention.